For starters I think I finally have a little bit of RP-burnout. Usually when a draft rolls around what I do is tag CR I want to keep strong/rekindle then wait a day and then go around and think of a tag for anyone who hasn't had a tag yet. If most people already have a tag then I also include people who only have on short thread. Mostly I do this because I know the horror of thinking no one is going to tag my thread that I put effort into making. With a muse like Vash who is so versitile I feel like I should do my part to make sure people don't feel that feeling of being ignored. I also blame highschool and all the times that I was left on the sidelines forgotten to be picked for a team as everyone ran off to play. No one should feel like that.
But this time, even though I honestly feel horribly guilty for not tagging around. I just... can't bring myself to. Unless I think of a tag in less than a second flat I just stare and go blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I can barely get enough brain power to answer the tags waiting in my inbox and I want to make MORE? Ughhhhhhhhh. I just don't know where my motivation has gone to. There are some threads I'm excited to be a part of, but even those I've been having trouble tagging lately. More tagging as a sense of duty than anything else.
Okay. I can guess where it went. *GLARES AT THE NEW KITTY* Oh Sandman, you're a lovable derp of a cat, but... LET ME SLEEP! Buttons use to try to wake me in the night for food, but at least she waited for me to give a sign I was half awake before batting her head against me, but YOU! Yoooooooooooou. Why must you drop heavy things that make horrible almost shattering noises from high places? I don't know HOW you slammed my door last night, but this making loud noises and scaring the crap out of me every night? Not cool. It doesn't help that I've been sleeping like crap in general anyway.
So yes, I think part of my energy and brain power for tags has probably been sucked into my lack of sleep. Also just general depression. I'm okay, but every so often I do think of Egor and get teary-eyed for a moment. Or I think about how little time Buttons has left. I'm okay. It lasts only a moment, but I'm also not numb enough to not realize it's probably nawing away somewhere in my subconscious. I remember talking once, I think it was my psychology class, when I went to Jefferson Community college we were talking about death and how people handle it in different ways that apparently experts say it takes at LEAST six months of inner grieving before a person can really move on. Of course there's always exceptions, but I think I can understand that.
Either way. I'm okay and I'll work on getting myself through this funk and then the funk that I'm sure will follow after of: OH MAN! WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS, THIS, AND TAG THAT THEN!?
In other news and the reason I first started this post before I started to ramble! I had a strange dream last night.
The first part I remember was that I was running around with wasurechatta
only her name wasn't wasurechatta or Marie. No, she was now called: Oda Hates. Go figure. And we were running around trying to find a date for Sanji because he was in a coma and only going on a date with a certain type of girl would get him out of it.
I don't know how, but at some point I lost wasurechatta
and was wandering around on my own in NYC. I think I was trying to find Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but couldn't find it so I was trying to get home. I ended up at some bank where they were giving out tours. I somehow started at the top of the bank and had to work my way down. I needed a check. Even in the dream I didn't know WHY I needed a check, just as I needed one. I kept trying to ask people where I could have this check written for me, but they kept giving me directions on how to get back with the tourist group. Finally I found the office of the woman who could write me the check, but I had forgotten the word check. So I stood there forever trying to finish my sentence.( Still late for that important date )