zig_zag123: (Dress to kill!)
I just... rage quit life right now. I... don't... know... why. I want to blame it on stupid girly habit week, but I've never been this hormonal before. And I've been on the pill since I was 13 to regulate all this shit so I don't know why I seem to have gone and dived off the deep end all of about..... six hours ago.

Maybe I am sick. I haven't been feeling well most of the day. I've been blaming most of it on how dry it is in here mixed with stupid girly habit week, but maybe I am sick. All I know is that everything is making me SO ANGRY right now.

Like... even things that shouldn't make me angry. I was reading a thread from Luceti and giggling over it and enjoying it and then suddenly I was all: WHY WASN'T I APART OF THIS THREAD HOW DARE THEY HAVE FUN AND I DON'T GET TO HAVE FUN! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN ON THAT! And there was NO reason for Vash to have been there. And I just... wanted to punch the computer screen.

And I felt like I needed to have the first temputantram I've ever thrown over a video game since I was six. Casey and I were playing Mario Kart Wii and I was just getting more and more ANGRY. Usually if I say get hit over and over with no chance ot recover I either laugh it off or go: O_o and then try to get back at the people who hit me. Oh no. Today I sat, stewing, and swearing like a salior. I was trying not to scream and give into the desire to chuck the controller at the television because my sister was still having fun. Except keeping all that anger was making my upset stomach start churning more.

I really wish everything wasn't making me so angry right now. Like just not even getting tags to answer is making me want to scream and cry. I should probably just go to bed before I snap at someone who doesn't deserve it. I've done that before while on my period and always feel horrible about it when I do and I'm not even HALF as bad as I feel right now.

Of course, I'm also angry because I can't sleep. I'm so angry over everything else I'm all worked up and twitchy. I know I'd just lay in bed hating everything. And the poor cat. Who I usually like her requests of petting would probably get shoved off the bed.

...okay. Not really. I doubt I could actually get to that point of anger even if I tried, but I would be horribly pissed at her - as I'm getting angry just joking about it. Ughhghiahrear this is not good.
zig_zag123: (Shit...)
Saying last night was a nightmare minus an actual nightmare would be pretty good statement.

When after doing a bit of cleaning and realizing it wa already 10:45pm and I had wanted to be in bed by 11pm and I hadn't even BEGUN to get ready was the start. After a bit of searching for the cat to find and get her into the room and coaxing to get the dog out of the room, teeth brushed, and PJs on it was already just after midnight. So I stayed up a bit longer to say night to mom who came home around 12:20am. Then went to bed.

I was asleep for just over an hour when I suddenly woke up with HORRIBLE stomach cramps. It hurt so bad I could hardly move. Managed to drag myself to the bathroom, where for the longest time I thought I was going to be sick out of both ends. Which is probably the worst feeling in the world. I've only ever had that happen to me once when I was really little and I never want that to happen again. What made it even better was because I was overtired I kept getting dizzy and that was only making me MORE sick. Plus it felt like I was trying to black out now and then like I do when I've been on the computer until 4am. On top of all that? I was having chills. Freezing one moment and burning hot the next.

Then I finally WAS sick (and only out one end yay) and managed to weave my way back to bed. I got an extra blanket out before I did - as now I was just freezing and a puke bucket just in case it struck again. My stomach was still upset, but it at least didn't feel like I had a rock slowly growing inside of it anymore. I was hoping that would be it, but nope. As the cat agreed with me. It gets cold in my room during the winter and decided that sleeping on me would be the best way to stay warm. Usually she just snuggles up close to my legs, which I'm fine with, as I can still streach a bit when I need to crack my back, but not last night.

First she decided she needed to sleep right between my legs and then meowed and pestered me for petting when I distrubed her sleep to crack my back. (I have a bad back, and need to on occation wake up and crack it in the night. Usually - once a night, but oh no - last night was like, every fifteen minutes.) So after I got her to settle down, I went back to sleep, just to be awoken a little later with her on my shoulder (side sleeper). After a little squirming went back to sleep. Woke up again, steaming hot so I tried to kick off the extra blanket, which made the kitty want some more loving. Cat, I love that you love me so much that you were just excited to love me and be loved back - but UGH! I NEEDED SLEEP.

This went on all night long. I even slept on my back once - which I never do - and found her on my chest, staring down into my face. I don't know what was up with her last night. She's usually so good about picking one spot and STAYING there. But oh no, felt her crawling all over me all night long. Finally at 8am I heard her throwing up on the other side of the room and jumped out of bed to catch the throw up on a piece of old newspaper. Then I gave up sleeping.

Well, until about 10:30am. Then I took a two hour nap XD and it was amazing. Still don't know what was up with feeling so sick last night. As I haven't felt sick at all. Just over tired. *shrugs*
zig_zag123: (Sad Rude)

Ugh... I was suppose to be productive today, but no...

I got sick.

Started last night when I was trying to get the cat to come to bed that everytime I stood I felt really sick. I figured it was the boiled dinner not settling right and the fact that it was 2:30am. (Damn you adult swim! Why must FMA: Brotherhood be on so late? Followed by so much awesome Cowboy Bebop?!) Only, now I'm thinking I'm actually sick. As I woke up this morning feeling pefectly fine, except when I got up to let the dog out - I felt sick again.

Now I haven't actually gotten SICK yet, but it feels so violent when I stand that I either lay down quickly or rush to the bathroom and stand there until I give up and lay back down again.

So whoooo - I'm actually sick or the boil dinner is still working on my gut and hopefully this will all be over with soon. At least my dog is super excited over the ham bone from the boilded dinner that I don't feel too guilty that I might not get out to walk her today.

Of course, I made Vash's post today in [livejournal.com profile] luceti  inviting basically the entire town to poor Naoki's party. XD I knew I'd get a lot of tags for that so I don't know what I was thinking with this productive stuff anyway. Just blah. Been feeling so blah lately.

Also I feel bad that dad and I apparently hurt mom's feelings last night. She asked if after church we could drive the extra fifteen minutes away to a shopping center to return a shirt. We said sure, why not. Only when we got there she also wanted to go into the Dollar Tree that was there too to look for some lights. Again we said sure and dad stayed out to have a smoke while I walked around with her. The Dollar Tree didn't have the lights she wanted and also - it was about 20 degrees out side. (-6C)


Is a horrible daughter );_; Makes me wish my sister Casey was here. She loves new cell phones. She would have given mom the ooohs and ahhs she wanted.  I think when mom comes home next time I'll make a point to ask her to show me how apps work or something.
zig_zag123: (Oro?)
This weekend... er... week now? Has been a bit crazy. I guess it started on Saturday the 25th around 1am.

I had just laid down and was starting to fall asleep when my sister texted me. The short of it was she was feeling homesick, at first I thought she might have been drunk texting me so late - but found out later she had managed to get lock out of her apartment and was bored waiting for someone to come home and figured I'd be awake. Drunk or not I could understand the underlining problem to her homesickness. It had hit me many times over my life. She was lonely on her birthday. A feeling I know only too well, but Casey who's been surrounded by her friends all her life is new at. She's away at college and most of her friends aren't down there anymore.

So when I got up that morning and got another text asking if I was up to anything and would I like to come down? I threw some clothes in a bag, made a cake, made sure I had money for the tolls and hoped into my car for the four hour trip down to Buffalo to see her. When I first got there we went grocery shopping as she was out of food. While shopping we decided we'd grab some fast food on our way home as we were going to meet up with two of her friends and go out for drinks in a couple hours. It was just going to be easier.

Casey's Birthday - Day 1 )

Casey's Birthday, Day 2 - Darien Lake )

Unemployment and sick - blah )

Needless to say I haven't had much brain power lately so all I've done is sat around and started watching OP. It's going to be forever before I finsih THAT. Anyway, feeling better so I think it's time I start getting my life back on track. Like not sleeping til one in the afternoon. Derp. So yes... put my body, wallet, and car through hell this weekend, but it was worth it I think!

zig_zag123: (Sleepy puppies)
I'm so tired now I can feel sleep creepying up everytime I blink my eyes. And it seems that each blink is getting longer and longer. This morning sucked so hard. I know I got sleep, but how much I'm not sure. It wasn't the amount my body wanted that's for sure. I kept waking up all night long feeling anixious for no real reason. I have nothing I'm feeling overly anixious about. I wasn't dreading work. I just felt all jittery and jumpy.

Then my pets woke me up at 5:20am. Fourty minutes before my first alarm would have gone off. Got up and let the dog out to go to the bathroom and fed the cat. Who had knocked my glasses off the night stand while waiting for me to return. After finally locating them because I can never feel at ease when I don't know where my glasses are it was 5:30. I debated going back to bed, but knew by the time I got settled in and finally fell asleep it probably wouldn't be worth it. So I got my cat a second helping instead.

Regretted that decision. Because I started to feel sick not too long after and I was sure it was from being over tired. Ended up being sick. Well - kinda sick. As I had nothing to offer up from my stomach. But it reminded me how much I do like this job I have and the person I work with. As normally throwing up is when I throw in the towel and call in sick to work, but I really didn't want to to that. I knew the sickness would pass and I didn't want to leave Sarah all alone at the park.

I'm glad I went in the end. After a bit of toast and apple juice I felt a bit better and managed to get my ass to work. It was a fairly easy day as it was kinda cold out. Didn't even reach 60F (15C) and Sarah and I spent most of the day just trying to stay warm as it was also raining lightly out. So we worked a bit on the waterfront - cleaning up garabage and cleaning out the few firepits we had. Sarah had a surprised though. Some of the trash people left on their site was a Catholic newspaper. As we were thumbing through it making jokes she suddenly spotted a picture of her friend. Then when there was a bit of a break in the weather we pushed mowed three campsites before the rain came back. The grass was already wet, heavy, and way too long so we gave up on mowing and raked up the mess of grass.

The very last thing we did was spilt up. I cleaned bathrooms and she did some qucik weedeating on an incoming site. A fairly easy day and tomorrow it's suppose to rain again and as we're pretty much caught up on everything except mowing... it will probably be a slow day again.

Oh, we also fixed the seat on the gator during a down pour. It wasn't attached to anything so we found some screws and managed to fix it. Too bad it then got a flat tire. Opps.

Well, that entry ate up some time before bed. Let's see if I can focus on that AMV a bit more without passing out again.
zig_zag123: (Crap...)
So yes, I've gotten myself sick again. The last couple days I've spent in bed with just a head cold this time. Sore throat, runny nose, and cough. That's all, and I'm actually recovering slightly faster than I usually do with those things.

BUT! It's given me the perfect excuse to hide in my room and watch Mushishi. I'm really enjoying it and still kicking myself for not watching it earlier. As it is one of those animes I've kinda had my eye on.

And today brings an end to the hardest day of work before my vacations. Wenesdays are always a bitch at work. Three more days and then I can escape for a week. It will be so sweet. I already felt myself bubbling with glee when I saw the big VACATION letters spread out on my schedaul for next week. Vaaaaaaaaaaaaacation~! My very first PAID Vaaaaaacation~! Here I come~!

OH! Autumn if I forget to talk to you next time you're online - will I need to bring extra blanket/pillow? I'm trying to figure out if I can just shove everything into a backpack or if I should actually plan on a suitcase type thing.
zig_zag123: (Kitty)
I'm much better this morning.

Last night was pretty rough and I ended up kinda throwing up three times in an hour. I say kinda because I didn't have anything to toss up really. But after that when I went back to bed and woke up this morning with a cat sitting on my shoulder letting me know just because I had been sick didn't mean I got out of feeding her.

My stomach still hurts a teeny tiny but it has moved up into my stomach and it rumbles and grumbles. So I'm pretttttty sure that's just hunger, but I'm just a little reluctant right now to eat.

But I think I'll give up soon and make some soup. Mmmhmm... food.

Also I think kitty knows I'm better considering how sweet she was being last night while I was sick. When I woke up the first time she was cuddled unusally close to me. Like she wanted to be so close she had attempted to wedge herself under me. Usually at night she wants to be next to me, but not quiet touching. Like she thought moving from her typical sleeping spot and moving to touch me would make me feel better.

Then she never once asked for food the three times I got out of bed. Usually when I wake up in the middle of the night she's begging for food. Nope. Not last night. Last night she was just cuddly. So perhaps she knew something when she said: Screw cuddling. Wake up nowz. Hungee. More so because she had already been FED once. That's right cat. I heard mom come in this morning to feed you. You glutton. You cute, loving, gultton of mine~!

EDIT: I ate a grilled cheesed sandwhich and it was GLOURIOUS! And still in my tummy over an hour later. I proclaimed myself healed.

...now... MORE FOOD! OH NOM NOM!
zig_zag123: (Out of the Way)
So what did I imgain this day off would be like? I pictured that I would sleep in late and just wallow in bed until I had to go to church and then go back for more snuggling in bed with the kitty.

I'm ready to admit I'm sick - but I also know I'm not really sick enough to NOT do things. So I had no problem going to church. Which I told dad about 80times last night. I'm baptised Catholic but to be honest I don't take it overly seriously. I think we have a lot of dumb ass belifes I just can't follow. Huge gay marrage supporter, pro-choice, and think divorce is a good thing. I feel me and God have an understanding, but I still like church. I'm not broken hearted if I don't go, but I've always seen it as: God has done a lot for me over the years - if all he'd like is for me to spend an hour once a week thinking and thanking him - that's really not a lot.

So when I woke up this morning and dad told me that he went to an earlier mass so I could stay home and not get other people sick rubbed me the wrong way just a little. Because I know it had nothing to do with me or me getting others sick. He wanted to go so he could go out drinking and gambling. His addiction is getting bad again. I'm glad I have my own accounts now all away from the local banks so he can only get at what's in my purse. I've learned to never have more than 20bucks on me. I hope mom knows what she's doing to keep dad away from their funds. I think she does.

Read more... )

Yup. Sick.

Mar. 19th, 2010 07:59 pm
zig_zag123: (Sano)
So runny nose, constant headache, and bouts of random dizzyness.

Helloooooooooo Spring cold.

Although one random thing that I'm assuming is some sort of strange side effect. Last night when I went to go to sleep and shut my eyes and then was like... blinded. I saw bright flashes like someone put strobe lights on the back of my eyelids. It hurt. I didn't think light could pysically hurt so bad. But I found if I looked up towards my skull the light went away, but anywhere else it came back.

That was really weird.

Either way when my boss came up to me today letting me know that someone called in sick and if I would like the extra hours part of me wanted to scream NOOOOOOOOOOOO! But I said yes. Ugh. I made it through and in the end I'm glad I said yes. I need extra money to get back the 60 I wasted on the concert not mentioning the gas. But mmmmmmmmmmhmmmm I do oh so love my new Breaking Benjamin hoodie. It's so soft and epic looking. I almost hate to wear it knowing that it will slowly wear it down. But mmmmhmmm love it. Considering I don't usually spend a dime on myself it all goes to: Omg - start a real life fund. So I suppose a little treat won't really hurt.

But uh - so tired and I see my dad left me some Pearch to buy my forgiveness that he went to the bar again. I do love me some Pearch. Ah! Spring! I'm so glad you're here because I'm dying for Bass season to open so I can go catch my own damn fish. It's ten times more fun to catch, clean, and eat your own fish. (Although I suck at the cleaning so mom typically does it to get more meat... shhush! Still counts!)


zig_zag123: (Default)

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