Although we don't have anything planned this trip. So I'm a little nervous about being home more this time. Means I'm going to have to be in the empty house more. Last time I had a bit of a bad moment. It was late and I was staying up late to watch FMA: Brotherhood. I had borrowed mom's computer so I could try to catch up on tags before I headed back to the city in the morning.
( A still mourning pet lover )
So another four day weekend for me! Mom thought about coming up here, but we decided quiet literally last minute that I'll go home instead and we'll all go camping.
8D YAY! Camping!
I'm heading straight to the bus stop after work tomorrow! We go out camping Thr and return evening Sat! I leave back for NYC POSSIBLY on Sunday. I say POSSIBLY because I've gotten the last two Fridays off. There's a VERY small chance I'll get an early in the week day off... possibly monday? If I do I'll be postponing going back one more day. BUT! I won't know that until they email me my schedaul next week.
I'm also not bringing my computer. What little internet access I do have will be coming from family memebers so I won't be around much.
I must also admit that I'm a little terrified at the thought of going home knowing there is now no cat or dog awaiting there for me. I'm scared to face the truth. I know I'm not going to be able to stop looking at the spots Buttons always slept, just like I haven't stopped looking in the yard for Egor when I pull into that driveway. Knowing she'd always be there, only getting up because I was home and yay! It meant belly rub time!
I'm glad we're going camping as I'm sure for the first night home I'm going to be spending a lot of time listening to that oh so soft half purr meow Buttons did when she was wondering if I was awake at night. The way she crept around the bed until finally laying on my shoulder or next to my head.
And now... time for bed. I hope I'm not forgetting anything!
Yup. Subject and icon say it all really. Mom called me to let me know that this afternoon Buttons passed away. They SAY it was in her sleep, but part of me does wonder how true that is. As the found her in their bedroom and she never went in there to sleep. Of course mom also mentioned how earlier in the day she had been acting strange by trying to hop into her computer bag. So maybe she did just slip away in their bedroom while looking for a good place to die as they say animals do.
Although I'm crying as I write this I really am kinda glad she went like this. I really hate taking animals up to the vet to be put to sleep. I've actually spent many night praying that she'd go at home and in her sleep. Even if it meant waking up next to her dead body in the morning. Not to mention we were planning on putting her down soon. Dad said she only had another week or two worth of medicine left. And mom did admit she actually just bought her new food yesterday. They didn't really want to be the ones to make the final decision either.
Mom told me that they took her favorite fluffy blanket and laid her on it in a hole in the backyard. Mom told me they burried it deep enough that the animals shouldn't be at her, but they also covered it with a couple stones to be safe.
She was a good ol' strong kitty. And she marks an end of an era really. She was the last of our childhood pets to pass away. It's funny how they went in twos. We lost our dog Sally and ferret Mooshy just weeks apart from each other a couple years ago, and now it was Egor's and Button's turn.
It's really hard to think of it right now. She's been a constant factor in my life these past 21 years. It's just so strange to think of her as being gone. She was my surviver. Being hit by a cars twice, being attacked by dogs multiple times, beginning stages of kidney failure, a kitty stroke - possibly two, but one for sure, and a whole host of things I'm sure she got into and I just never knew about. She was a tough old girl and there will never be another like her again. My only regret is I never did get a good recording of her adorable purr-snore she did. That's one of many things I'm going to miss about her.
My new job is still going great and I still love it. Even went in today just because they needed extra hands and I enjoy being there that much that I didn't mind going in on a Saturday.
I FINALLY HAVE A FAN! And it is wonderful. I've really missed that white noise to cover up my roommate's TV. Not to mention I can actually sleep at night now more than melt.
I've started to grow some flowers. I only just planted the seeds and I'm super excited for them to start growing.
This cup of hot coco is beyond delicious!
Now about my trip home. I'm glad I went and I don't regret it at all, but I was not expecting to cry so much. Mostly because after talking with mom and dad we've decided it's time to let Button's go. They're going to make an appointment once the food and medicine we have for her is gone. She had about twenty two cans of food left, so she has probably two or three more weeks. Maybe a little more if they decide to wait out the medicine instead.
( My weekend home )
A long weekend, a sad one, but a good one and I'm glad I went home.
Until I texted mom joking how we were just talking about how I should find out if I have a long weekend coming up so she could come down to visit and it turned out to be the very next day. Darn she texted back. She had to work!
I even got out of work early today being that there was so little to do. I sat for a moment thinking over if I should do laundry or wait one more day. It was so hot the idea of just laying down and getting a jump start on that extra sleep thing felt SO tempting. Then I decided - no, might as well get it all done. So I went and did laundry.
Which was good just as I was setting down my new large bag of clothes mom was texting me.
"Hey, why don't you come home for your long weekend? I'll pay for you to come up! You can see Buttons!"
...why didn't I think of this?
SO YES! Now currently running around trying to get ready. Rushed out to the store to buy more TP for the apartment as it was my turn and got down on my hands and needs and just scrubed the bathroom like crazy. It was funny to me thinking about how slow and easy I was going to take getting all these chores done, now I was speeding through trying to get them ALL done in just a couple hours. So glad I did my laundry!
But yes, bathroom is clean, laundry is done, Grace never got back to any of my messages about if she needed help or not so I'm assuming she doesn't, I got one of my posters up, I'm going to church with dad and Casey tomorrow, and so now, in about six hours I'll be waking up to run and catch a bus home!
I've decided to not bring my computer. I'll be gone for four days and I'll just see how grabby I can be with my mom's and sister's computers. It will make it easier than trying to lug it around.
So I'm running away again! Take care everyone! Talk to you more hopefully in a couple days!
So didn't do much for my birthday, and I'm happy with that. I don't need a big party. They're fun and nice, but I really enjoyed the day I had today.
First off like I said, I got some pretty flowers from my mom. They smell great and I'm going to love them until they sadly die. Pictures under the cut! Large photos as I was too lazy to edit them.
( Purdy Flowers! )
Autumn and I just kinda chilled and hung out together. We were going to move furniture out of an apartment, but Autumn managed to get ahold of the girl that was going to move out and she's decided last minute to pay for May's rent, so that didn't happen. Instead we went to Canel Street in China town to attempt to find a game store we had found once before and neither of us remembered where it was.
We managed to find it!! Not only that we found this one store that sell figure and OMG they had a Black Coat Vash figure for 25 dollars! Totally going back for that when I get a steady income again!
...you know if I can find the store again.
There was also a game I kinda wanted to buy at the game store, but I uh... kinda got a LITTLE too addicted to ebay and... kinda bought some stuff by mistake. Ahhhhhahaha... yeah. There might have been a couple figures listed that I had seen going for around 25-30 bucks and I threw up a bid while they were at 5 and 15 dollars just because I couldn't help myself and figured I'd get outbid on them anyway.
Um.... nope. Won them both. Whoops! So yeah, really didn't feel right after that splurging on another 25 dollar toy when I already had a couple things coming in the mail for me.
Autumn and I also went into this store we like that just seems to sell a little bit of everything. They have a bunch of chopstick and Autumn bought me one for my birthday! And one for herself so we match! Little bunny chopsticks! SEE HOW CUTE THEY ARE?!
( Bunny! )
We went and looked at some bra's at Burlington because Autumn wanted to buy me a new one for my birthday. Only couldn't find one that fit. Damn my crazy mis-shapened breats! I really need to win the lottery or something so I can afford to get a brest reduction. Then we went to 42nd street for a bit to see that store that sells Japanese books.
After that we were pretty tired. So we went to the Atlantic ave mall and I got sized at Victora Secert. Autumn thought maybe it would help me find a bra that fits, but sadly, no. I do have my size right. My "girls" are just losers. So no new bra for me today. (Why do people call them girls? Can't they be WOMANS!? XD)
After that bit of disapointment we got those ice cream cupcakes at Coldstones. AND THEY WERE DELICIOUS! I didn't realize it, but the 'wrapper' that cupcakes come in, these weren't paper. They were dark chocolate shells! Made it so much cooler. They were VERY yummy, but nothing I'd get again, unless someone was splitting with me or specail occation.
The last thing Autumn and I did together was to get subs from Subway. Then we spilt up as she had work to get done and I needed some grociers. So I made a quick trip to Target to get some bread and milk - so glad I did. Some of my favorite TV dinners were on sale but not only that... BACON WAS ON CLEARANCE! I totally picked some up and had the great idea to cook it up and put it in my subway sandwhich. DELICIOUS.
When I got home I finally opened my Kuroneko bobble head. OMG it's bigger than I thought it was! But it's cute and I so love it. So does my cat. Who when I sat it down for a moment to clear a good spot for a picture it stared and slowly reached out a paw and bopped it's head over and over again. Of course, as soon as I turned around to get a picture of this Sandman (my new cat's name) was more interested in getting pets then posing. Oh well. So here's a shot of all my gifts this year!
( The loot! )
And just because I could here are some pictures of what I have now dubed my "Wall of Geek" even though it's not really a wall so much of a shelf... WHATEVERS!
It's a little diseveled right now as it also has the box my mom sent me for easter there. But it has that Easter Grass in it and the cat WILL attempt to eat it. Just waiting for Garbage day to get rid of it - as kitty can't reach it up
( WALL OF GEEK! )
( Close up and geeking out over the figures )
And then finally, have some pictures of my new kitty Sandman! He's such a ham and a lover. I feel bad though, because I do treat him like Buttons now and then, even though I try not too. I wonder sometimes how long it will take me to change habits I use to do for her. Like making sure to place my glasses far off to the right of my night stand so she won't knock them over to get me up in the morning. Or sliding my pillow over to the edge of the bed to make room for a kitty next to my head. Buttons always favored sleeping next to my head at night. Sandman actually likes to be near my feet.
The other thing I forget is that if I twitched in the morning, Buttons would take that as a sign for me to get up and feed her, where Sandman is usually in my roommate room by the time I wake up. Or if he is still in my room, he does start purring when he thinks I'm awake, but keeps laying there and lets me fall back alseep if I want to. So I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay to roll over. Also I could never pick Buttons up. She had bad hips and so picking her up could hurt her. So I never did it, but I forget sometimes I can pick Sandman up when I need to. But I'm learning what a nifty thing this picking cats up and out of my chair is! It's nice!
I miss Buttons. We share this month for our Birthdays. We don't remember exactly what day she was born, but she's now 21 years old! Dad says she's doing great. I'm glad and I hope I get to see her again soon. Sandman's wonderful and I'm so glad to have a kitty again, but he doesn't feel like MY cat just yet. He's still my roommate's cat who is just ALWAYS in my room.
But just look how cute he is!
( KITTY! )
Whoa, this post got a little off topic... BUT OH WELL! It's still my birthday for a few more hours. I'M ALLOWED TO GET OFF TOPIC IF I WANT TO!
Mom and I were in the basement for some reason. I think we were cleaning, when it started to storm outside and I heard the cellar door open and some muffled music playing. Like how music sounds muffled when you're standing outside a car when someone has the radio turned up too loud.
I turned and looked and in from the storm drove this tiny car that backed into a little garage by the furance. It was dark, but the toy garage was lit up with neon lights. I shook mom's shoulder and told her LOOK! The Rainbow Bright toys had come to life! We stared in awe and tried to figure out what we should do with this miraculas discovery as I was also in awe that mom could see it and I wasn't the only one. (That happens a lot in my dreams.)
Then the other old toys started to come to life and I vaugly remember walking around and looking at each of the mini worlds before started to head up the cellar stairs with my mom.
The next thing I know it just before 7am and I'm awake because I can hear the cat meowing. Not her death meow that sounds like she's dying and she makes now and then in her sleep. No, this was her: I'm awake and need something meow. I waited a meow or two to see if I heard moving around in the kitchen, meaning mom was up, but just more meows came. So out of bed I got.
( The first cat attack at 7am! )
( Dream Two: May I take your order? )
( The cat strikes back! )
( Dream 3: Don't graple with ZZ )
( The cat hires some help - the dog! )
( Dream 4: Yes, I do speak plant and dog! )
( ...hi cat )
Also a note: I spent just over two hour writing this all up. LJ - it's not funny to suddenly go back a page suddenly and then have me come back to a blank page. I almost broke a plate, but was smart enough to hit refresh and you're very lucky you had pretty much everything saved as a last draft. I almost had to kill a puppy.
You know... you'd really think they'd want to know some of these questions too. Like have I ever made copies before or something... I dunno. This is about the third time I've tried to ask them these questions and they've ignored me to just say what they want. I'll probably still go. I just want a job so badly right now. No decision right now. I want to wait until mom comes home to sit down with her and dad and have a pow-wow. Once I move out they won't have any kids in the house for the first time in a long time. I want to give them time to let that sit in a little if I can.
Last night though I thought I was done stressing, but apparently not. I went to bed and had a dream I was hanging out on my bed with my computer answering tags and dad walked in looking as if he had just been kicked in the gut. He said he was so sorry, that these things just happen. Then I saw that he had Buttons's medicine in his hand and I knew, she had died.
( A Nasty Dream )
My cat is old. She's 20 years going and still going. She is the kitty that will not die and the love of my life. She's been hit by a car twice and ended up with little medical attention for it due to our vets being morons the first time and her just being too damn old the second. So she has two bad hips that give her a little trouble now in her extreme old age. She's been attacked by our dog which was more scary and heart attack worthy because Egor was just "Putting her in her place" after the cat was dumb enough to scratch the dog who was just standing there. Egor didn't even break skin, just pinned her down. She's also in the beginning stages of kidney failure now which two years ago we thought was the end, but we found some great medicine that keeps her going without pain and super cheap (the secert? Lacatives.). Then the lastest gasper is that she had a kitty stroke. Which we thought AGAIN was the end, but our vets told us kitty strokes are actually very survivable for cats. She couldn't move for one day, was wobbly the second, then on the third she could kinda walk a straight line, then finally on the fourth. All better.
(Have I mentioned I loved talking about my kitty?)
But yes, after a crazy life like that our idea is just to make kitty as comfortable, happy, and de-stressed as possible. As vets pointed out to us, at this age stress is the thing we really need to worry about. Anything else that might happen to her - a new sickness, the kideny failure getting worse, or injury - that will probably be it. She's too old for anything surgery could help (not that we can afford it) and I've decided if the medicine gets more invasive than just a quick shot of liquid in her mouth then I'm not putting her through that crap.
What was my topic about? Oh yes... GROOMING! ANYWYAY! *clears throat* Due to her old age and various problems, my kitty doesn't really groom herself anymore. Something we figured out when I came home for college once and went: Omg! What happened to the cats fur! And my parents who all they really do is feed her and ignore her went: Oh yeah... looks matted.
I've been trying to catch up on it, but I have a feeling I never will. During my big breaks away from college it just kept getting worse and worse, but I won't catch up due to the stress factor. I can't take her to a groomer, for one it would take a couple days I think and the stress of it could kill her. Vets agreeded with me, considering how stressed she gets at vet visits where they hardly do anything to her. Just feel her kidneys and take a temperture. They're worried that a groomer who would be holding her in way she wasn't use to with loud noises and smells of other animals - could be too much for her.
So I home groom her as best I can. I even tried to borrow dad's hair clippers to save her. Didn't really work. So I slowly work at it with a brush and a pair of hand siccors for the thickers mats. I don't get too far, as she's always making more mats and I only do it when she's comfortable, but she's so silly about it sometimes. I'm not stressing her out, but I am annoying her now and then. She'll stand up and flop over on her other side like she isn't covered in mats for me to pick on. Then after that will fail she'll try a few more times before she'll move just out of my reach and give me the stink-eye. Then after a bit she'll come wandering back and we'll start all over again.
Lately now, she's been getting her feet extra dirty. Kidney failure means she pees a lot more than normal cats. I clean the litter box, but it's always filled by the time I turn around again. So sometimes she gets dirty littler stuck to her feet and then I have to go wash her feet in the sink. Such a well behaved kitty. I fill the sink up with water and dip the dirty paw in it and rub gently until it all comes out. She'll lay in my arm mewing pitifully while I do this and stare up at me with her: Why are you DOING this to me!? Look in her eyes, but sit there and take it - for awhile and then she'll put up just a little struggle until I let her go.
Then she'll go hide and pout for awhile. Yesterday I did this and she hid under my desk for awhile. Then I left the room for a bit and when I came back she was on the bed, but as soon as I walked over to the bed she ran off and hid under the desk again. Of course... five minutes later she came slinking back looking for some loving from me.
I love how quickly my cat forgives me. It's so cute, but it also lets me know just how much she really loves me and wants my attention. Although that love also makes me not want to leave him, which isn't good. As I said, my parents take care of her enough to make sure she gets the things they need. Like food, medicine, and clean litter, but they don't lover her as I do. I know without that love she won't last too long.
Sorry for all this. Just really felt like I needed a little TL;DR about my beloved kitty. As there will never be another like her.
But to leave off on a slightly happier note, my kitty had a senior moment or something today. She suddenly got it in her mind that she'd jump off the bed. The bed she's been too old to jump off of for the past four years or so. Nooooooooooooooo. I put my hand in front of her to change her mind until she finally decided to go down using the step stool we have set up for her. She then walked to the area she had thought of jumping down too and stuck her head under the bed. Sat there for awhile and then finally went completely under. I had a breif moment of panic where I thought she might be going under there to die.
I had no reason to worry as she just meowed unhappily under there and came crawling out. She sat there for a moment before using the stool to get back up on the bed and go back to sleep. Wtf cat? No really, what was up with that?
No. Last night I woke up and I'm not sure what woke me up because my room was quiet. I don't know why I sat up in a bit of a panic to see from the dim light of my alarm clock and my extreme blurry vision that something was amiss. All I knew was the cat wasn't right next to my head as she should be.
What I could make out (because I'm basically blind without my glasses) through the blue light was the stool my cat uses to be able to get up and down off the bed had somehow tipped over. So I called out Button's name and felt for her near my feet. She usually sleeps near my head but on VERY rare occations will move to the foot of the bed. No cat there. I called her name again and frantically felt around the bottom of the bed too afraid to stand up and check to see if she was sleeping on top of the heater as she also does on a rare occation at night when it's particualary cold. But I soon felt her right next to the fallen stool. In my slightly freaked/just woken up mind I thought she was partly under it but now that I think back on it I think she was only next to it.
"Kitty!" I yelled and petted her fur a bit and I got back - nothing.
No movement, no soft merw she usually does when I pet her, no nothing. Yeah. I freaked out a bit. I started screaming her name and flipped the stool over still thinking she was partly under it as I basically had already decided she had been crushed. That she was dead. Three months from her 20th birthday crushed under a stool. I was already sobbing and debating if I should wake mom up or if I could keep my cool enough to get the body ready to be taken to the vets. Should I call in to work and take her up for the cremation or go in to work? And just when I was laughing at myself going: Yeah - you're totally calling in. SHE FINALLY MEOWED.
Granted. She meowed about half a second after I tossed the stool aside and those thoughts all pretty much came at once so it wasn't like she waited THAT long to let me know she wasn't dead but that was one of the most horrible half a seconds of my life. And the happiest half second after that. Which I quickly uprighted the stool like it should be and she came back onto the bed and got HUGGED BY ME! I didn't care that I know she doesn't really like it when I get grabby but damn I needed it. I just sat up for awhile petting her and crying because I was so happy she was alright.
Got her something to eat and went back to bed. I still don't know how she managed to flip the stool, must have stepped on the edge just right or something.
But please pets? No more antics for at least one night? I haven't slept the whole night through without one of you waking me up in over a week.
There's a reason I keep newspapers near my bed. Grabbed one and managed to catch it on that before she threw up. Got up to throw that away which woke up the dog. She jumped up and down all excited going: I HAVE TO PEE! LET ME OUTSIDE!
Which lead to me finding out the door was frozen soild. I couldn't open on it. Tried banging on it but no look. Finally had to get the hair drier and spent a good 20mins defrosting the door. Meanwhile the dog is on the other side of the room terrified by the noise but still jumping up and down to let me know she still needed to go out.
Finally got the door open just for her to not want to come close due to the loud noise that had been there not too long ago. Finally kicked her out and fed the cat; but then couldn't get the dog to come back in. Finally got her to come in with some treats and thought I could finally go back to bed. Only for the cat to decide it was time to be petted. So she plopped herself down on my face.
*sighs* I'm not allowed to have a good night sleep am I?
Sorry kitty but I must work and make monies.