zig_zag123: (Oro?)
Been INCREDIBLY busy and don't really have time to post anything right now, but DAMN IT, I've been wanting to update this for over a MONTH now and I'm going to take FIVE MINUTES to post something!

So my sister broke up with her boyfriend. Not wanting to come home she moved out of his place and in with me. My apartment is so crazy small and she uses my computer to look for work/an apartment so I rarely have time to spend a lot of time on the computer. One of the big reasons I just simply have not been around much.

I feel bad as she lived on my floor for a month on an air bed. Being rejected day after day for jobs.

However, now I'm visiting my parents. Mostly because of my mom's hoarding has been spinning out of control lately. Okay... it's never been IN control, but worse than normal. So we've been going crazy dragging out box after box after box out of the house and marked for a sale or garbage. I must admit, she's doing a MILLION times better tossing stuff than I thought she would. Yesterday alone we took a PACKED FULL van of garbage to the dump.

(And if I'm being honest even I had trouble throwing some of that stuff away. Like my old baby clothes, but no one would want our old clothes. They were a bit smelly and stained.) It was good to get even that much out of the house. I so wish I had more time then just these couple days to get ready for our big sale (as it's village wide that's why there's a time limit) as even though we've hauled out what I swear has been at least 100 boxes and random items and it still doesn't look like we've done much damage.

@.@ Ugh.

Anyway, mom's at work and I told her I'd dig out a few more boxes for the sale on my own of some old baby toys. Before she would have cried and hollared if I dare even THINK of selling/throwing away any of it. Now she's trusting me to mark them cheap enough so that they go or says she wants them thrown out. So maybe there is some hope for her hoarding.
zig_zag123: (Default)
*dusts off my poor misused journal* I need to figure out a way to set more time aside for this. During the weekdays I do pretty much just wake up, shower, eat, answer tags, go to work, work, come home, and sleep. So there's not really a lot of time for making journal entries, but god, I really should have been better about it this weekend. I wasn't busy at all, just lazy and slept/read most of the weekend away.

So a brief update on random things in my life first. So yesterday I pretty much slept, finished reading the book Mossflower, cuddled with the kitty, watched Legend of Korra (which by the way I feel is a bit too rushed in just about everything so I'm enjoying it, but not LOVING it.) and went to church.

On Church and Birds )

Real Life Problems )
Roleplay complaining )
zig_zag123: (Home)
So about a week or so ago I got the news that my only and little sister Casey is taking her turn to move out of the house. She's moving herself all the way to Ohio with her old boyfriend. At first it didn't really sink in. The thought of her moving a whole state away, but it's getting more and more real as the days go by. I'm a little worried and glad at the same time. A little worried because she has been babied most of her life and this time she'll be so far away it's going to take almost a full day for any of her family to get to her. She'll be going with Ray so that helps. He's a good guy, but he also has a kid, I wonder how he feels about leaving the kid behind with his ex. He's a pretty decent dad from the few times I've seen him with the kid.

Then there's Nick, who WAS her current boyfriend. If I'm being honest I liked him a LITTLE better than Ray. They're both good guys, but I just felt like he could take care of my sister better than Ray. I'm also rather angry at Casey for leaving him just because he just left for boot camp. He's going to in the air force and Casey decided she couldn't handle living that kind of life. She's the type that needs physical contact, but she couldn't have decided this BEFORE he left or talked to him about it? I don't think he was gone a full two weeks before Ray mentioned this job he got in Ohio and wanted her to come with him. I'm still not sure he knows, Casey is at least trying to figure out a way to talk to him face to face about this move rather than break up over a text or letter. I'll give her that credit at least.

Once the anger about what she did to Nick wears off then I start thinking about what this means for our family. Dad is handling it better than I thought he would. Instead of wallowing at the bar that his last daughter is finally grown up enough to move out of the house he made plans to come visit me during my birthday. Wow, dad never gets out of the house and suddenly he's making plans to jump on a bus for 7 hours and spend 3-4 days sleeping on the floor. Whoa. Mom didn't even suggest anything to him! I would say that's out of character for dad, but he's always been great at trying to run away from things that he doesn't want to deal with.

Mom is doing well. Already trying to make plans on what to do with our two rooms now that both of her babies are out of the house. I'm trying to be gentle in voicing my fears that those rooms are just going to get filled with clutter rather than be turned into home offices. I really hope she can get a cap on her hoarding problem, but I'm a little worried without me or Casey there who were always trying to get her to stop so we could get the house cleaned up and have people over might make it worse.

As for me, I'm losing one of the best friends I had back home. Me and Casey have always been very different. She's been into make up and high fashion, I've been into anime and games. Even so we've always gotten on wonderfully. A relationship of give and take. Me going on shopping trips I didn't want to go on and her playing multilayer games and being okay that she rarely wins. I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately of our childhood. Playing Chip and Dale on the Nintendo and having to carry her through the hard parts. Our game of Bambi where we pretended we were deer and we'd run through the fields from hunters. Of taking care of the pets together. Or just being there for each other the way sisters should. Riding the bus to school together. Finding old fossils in our stone driveway together. The time she broke her collerbone and I attempted to bury her in her favorite toys until mom could pull the car around.

It's hard thinking of those times being done, but I have to come to terms that they pretty much are. With just me out of the house, I could come home and we could go shopping or play Mario Kart together, but now that we're both moved out it's going to be harder to get together. We're both going to have to travel far to see each other. I'm going home for Easter in less than a week and it breaks my heart thinking that this will probably be the last time the family will be together again until MAYBE Christmas. If I'm not working by then/can take the time off and if Casey can do the same. And where will she stay? The house is too messy for Ray to stay with her. She'd either have to come alone or find somewhere else to sleep. And Casey hasn't seen the importance of spending time together like the rest of us. She doesn't have the same sense of how short life is like me and our parents do. She's more that she has all the time in the world thinkers, but she's also a live life to the fullest type.

Here's hoping that she enjoys the choice she's made in her life and the path she wants to go down. If she finds that she made a mistake at least she has a strong family to fall back on. It's the one thing I've always felt so thankful as I fight to make a living here in NYC. If I do fall I always and forever know I have a home I can go back to.
zig_zag123: (Default)
Last week I was busy and I've never been happier. I got asked to return for a week by my old internship to help them with a new mini project. I got paid 500 bucks for the week and it couldn't have come at a better time. As I had no idea how I was going to pay my rent before that. It felt great going to work each day. To be paid for what I went to school for. It was just the confidence boost I really needed. That someone wanted to pay me for what I could do. It was also nice to see my old co-workers again. They were so excited to have me back. I hope they get another project soon and need me again.

Then on Monday I had an amazing interview for Staples. Not my dream job in the slightest, but it will pay my bills and I'm so excited for it. He said he really liked me, but he had to see the rest of the interviews he had set up to be fair. He promised to call today if I got the job or not. I'm trying to be calm about the whole thing because if I get it I can finally eat more than ramen noodles, but if I don't get it I can spend more time looking for that dream job. It really is still fairly win-win. Also, this job will force me to play with photoshop more and make me more desirable for my real job.

Other than that the weather has been great. BEAUTIFUL so I've been out trying to get as much sun as I can. Spent a couple days reading at the beach. It's actually the first time I've ever walked out in a tank top in public. I don't think I've done that since I was ten, but between my new outlook on life, my sister showing me that I AM pretty, and my mom backing that up by giving me a little money so I can buy new clothes I decided to be brave and wear it. And you know what? I did feel pretty. A little shy as I swear it seemed like I was the only one in NYC ready for summer weather by wearing a tank top and shorts, but I still felt pretty.

I do really like my new outlook on life. I do also think that I have the anti-depressants to thank for that. I find that since I've been on them I have been more mellow. Feeling better about myself. I'm still the same person, but I don't get hung up on things like I use to. Like this morning I suddenly felt like crying for no reason and usually I probably would have spent an hour or so of the day wasted crying. Then I remembered I had forgotten to take my pill. While I still felt like crying, I took it, took a shower, and powered through it. Even if it's just a placebo and it was more me thinking it was going to help. I'm glad it's there.

So yeah, still keeping on tract I hope. I even found another website to look for work. I'm not spending all day in the house everyday. I'm trying to think positive. And I have a cute derpy kitty! And now, I'm about to go get some french toast.
zig_zag123: (Pirate Penguins!)

Dearest Autumn. STOP DYING IN MY DREAMS. I swear I don't hate you, I really don't. I'm so sorry. Last night I had a wonderful dream that I had gotten a call back from an interview I had. They wanted to see me in person for one more interview. That they were REALLY intersted in me and wanted to give me the job, but had to go through this red tape second interview first.

Short Random Dream )


---

This morning my dog had a little accident while getting off the couch. I had just finished making some breakfast so dad was oh, so kind enough to offer to clean it up for me so I could eat. Only... when I mentioned how fast the couch had dried from the cleaning dad said that - oh, no, he had just flipped the cusion around. -_-;;; NO DAD THIS IS NOT HOW YOU CLEAN THINGS. Yeah. So I ended up cleaning that up anyway.

---

I need to cut down an addiction or something. I have become addicted to playing Pikmin, World of Warcraft, tagging, and hot chocolate. So I spend most of my time piddling around and not really getting anything done. It's even affected my job search a little. I still check the two sites I pay to use - but some days I just say fuck it to the other three sites I checked daily for work. Granted I have NEVER heard back from anything I sent to the rare discovery I find on those, but you never know.

I also don't clean as much as I use to and even Egor has decided it's too cold and the snow too hard for her to walk outside that we don't go on walks anymore. She just runs out to do her business and if I try to go out with her and get her to walk around she stands in one spot and whines until we go inside. So I'm not even moving around as much. I'm going to put back on all that weight I've lost.

It also has left me feeling horribly depressed. All I do is wake up, play a pointless game for awhile, eat, then go back to sleep. I'm 24, living at home, and doing nothing with my life. The exact thing I said I didn't want to do as a child. Go me. As much as my dad tries to cheer me up with the fact that he didn't move out of his parents house until he was thirty and that was because he was getting married and just moved next door to a tralier his parents didn't use - DOESN'T HELP. Love you dad, but besides the kindness you show others, I don't want to be anything like you.

I need to pick up some kind of good habit. Something that makes me feel good about myself at the end of the day. I've thought about volenteering some how, but ugh - winter. Do NOT want to go outside. Let alone drive thirty minutes to the city. The only other places I can think to volenteer at near by would be my old high school - which I don't want any reminder of - or the church with that money grubbing Priest I don't really like.

I probably just really need to get out of this house.

---

Answers to the lyric guessing from the other day

The Songs )
zig_zag123: (Sonic tounge)
I'm really starting to believe Autumn when she said there was something about my house that just make people want to sleep. As the entire time I've been home all I've really wanted to do is snuggle in bed and sleep. The only thing stopping me is I know it's not wise to sleep for three days non-stop.

Of course part of it is because I do have a snuggly kitty that makes such cute purr-snore noises that lull me to sleep. The fact that I've been so stressed out at school and haven't been sleeping well is another. Because I can only do work at a lab that was locked up and four hours away meant I could do NOTHING with my work for the past two days.

It was out of my hands so all I had to worry about was being with my family. So that was probably ANOTHER reason I slept so much. ...or the cat walking all over me, patting at my face with her paw, and meowing til I got up and fed her ...at 4am. That too.

I'm really not looking forward to going back to the work left behind. I have a semster long project due on Thr and another slightly smaller project due Wen. And it's driving me nuts. As my teacher didn't really like my idea for the smaller project - so a project we've been working on for a couple weeks and should just be putting the finishing touches on I've had to completely re-do in less than two days. @_@

Read more... )
zig_zag123: (Home)
Today I found myself nearly bursting into tears as I sat outside and petted my dog. It was so nice out I spent awhile out there just sitting with her wishing time would stop right then. As lately I've been thinking more and more about the future and... it scares me. Mostly because I have no clue what to do with it.

Thoughts of life behind cut.

Read more... )

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