zig_zag123: (Kitty)
Going home again tomorrow. Seeing as I was told I have Fri-Tue off. Not sure why the building is closed that long, but it is and it's hot here. Home has air conditioning. Home is just home. It's not NYC. So I'm going home again.

Although we don't have anything planned this trip. So I'm a little nervous about being home more this time. Means I'm going to have to be in the empty house more. Last time I had a bit of a bad moment. It was late and I was staying up late to watch FMA: Brotherhood. I had borrowed mom's computer so I could try to catch up on tags before I headed back to the city in the morning.
A still mourning pet lover )
zig_zag123: (Home)

So another four day weekend for me! Mom thought about coming up here, but we decided quiet literally last minute that I'll go home instead and we'll all go camping.

8D YAY! Camping!

I'm heading straight to the bus stop after work tomorrow! We go out camping Thr and return evening Sat! I leave back for NYC POSSIBLY on Sunday. I say POSSIBLY because I've gotten the last two Fridays off. There's a VERY small chance I'll get an early in the week day off... possibly monday? If I do I'll be postponing going back one more day. BUT! I won't know that until they email me my schedaul next week.

I'm also not bringing my computer. What little internet access I do have will be coming from family memebers so I won't be around much.

I must also admit that I'm a little terrified at the thought of going home knowing there is now no cat or dog awaiting there for me. I'm scared to face the truth. I know I'm not going to be able to stop looking at the spots Buttons always slept, just like I haven't stopped looking in the yard for Egor when I pull into that driveway. Knowing she'd always be there, only getting up because I was home and yay! It meant belly rub time!

I'm glad we're going camping as I'm sure for the first night home I'm going to be spending a lot of time listening to that oh so soft half purr meow Buttons did when she was wondering if I was awake at night. The way she crept around the bed until finally laying on my shoulder or next to my head.

Then of course, hearing how dad literally jumped off the couch in joy and tickled my mom's cheeks when he heard the news that his daughter was coming home to see him. That specail kind of tickling he only really does when he's so happy he just can't contain himself. That will make it all worth it. Poor guy. At first mom talked like she was going alone to visit me in NYC and he was all: oh... :( have fun.... until she made the side comment that we decided it'd just be better if I came home nad he was all 8DDDD YAYZ!

And now... time for bed. I hope I'm not forgetting anything!
zig_zag123: (Kitty)
Whoa, it's been awhile since I've had enough free time and brain power to write down even some of what's been going on in my life! WHOO!

The basics:

My new job is still going great and I still love it. Even went in today just because they needed extra hands and I enjoy being there that much that I didn't mind going in on a Saturday.

I FINALLY HAVE A FAN! And it is wonderful. I've really missed that white noise to cover up my roommate's TV. Not to mention I can actually sleep at night now more than melt.

I've started to grow some flowers. I only just planted the seeds and I'm super excited for them to start growing.

This cup of hot coco is beyond delicious!

Now about my trip home. I'm glad I went and I don't regret it at all, but I was not expecting to cry so much. Mostly because after talking with mom and dad we've decided it's time to let Button's go. They're going to make an appointment once the food and medicine we have for her is gone. She had about twenty two cans of food left, so she has probably two or three more weeks. Maybe a little more if they decide to wait out the medicine instead.

My weekend home )

A long weekend, a sad one, but a good one and I'm glad I went home.
zig_zag123: (Egor!)
So, Casey made it here safe and we had a lot of fun our first day, but my dog Egor back home slipped and fell. She's stopped eating and won't move. She's still drinking a little, but mom's made an appointment to let her go.

Part of me aches to go running back to be with Egor one last time, but... I don't want to see her like that. It's selfish we know, but Casey and I have been looking forward to her visit here and we think it will be harder on our parents for us to go home right now just to be miserble over the loss of Egor and then leave for our homes far away.

Mom agrees. It's hard to face this alone she says, but having to say goodbye again to us would be hard on top of it all. So, we're staying here. I realized when I left home the last time that there was a good, good chance I would never see my babies again and all it is, is that I was right.

Her apointment is tomorrow. Casey and I aren't sure what we're going to do then, as we feel rotten trying to have fun knowing what's going on at home then, but at the same time sitting around being miserble isn't going to help either.

But for now we had plans to go to the zoo today. That's what we're going to do. I just felt the need to say something before running out to have fun that I am taking this to heart and it hurts, but... what can I do?
zig_zag123: (Kitty)
This morning was nuts. Stayed up late to watch FMA: Brotherhood. I wanted to stay up for Big O and Cowboy Bebob too like I tend to do, but I was just so tired and I've seen them before so I decided to go to sleep. My head hit the pillow shortly after 1:30am and I was probably asleep five minutes later and had a small dream.

Mom and I were in the basement for some reason. I think we were cleaning, when it started to storm outside and I heard the cellar door open and some muffled music playing. Like how music sounds muffled when you're standing outside a car when someone has the radio turned up too loud.

I turned and looked and in from the storm drove this tiny car that backed into a little garage by the furance. It was dark, but the toy garage was lit up with neon lights. I shook mom's shoulder and told her LOOK! The Rainbow Bright toys had come to life! We stared in awe and tried to figure out what we should do with this miraculas discovery as I was also in awe that mom could see it and I wasn't the only one. (That happens a lot in my dreams.)

Then the other old toys started to come to life and I vaugly remember walking around and looking at each of the mini worlds before started to head up the cellar stairs with my mom.

The next thing I know it just before 7am and I'm awake because I can hear the cat meowing. Not her death meow that sounds like she's dying and she makes now and then in her sleep. No, this was her: I'm awake and need something meow. I waited a meow or two to see if I heard moving around in the kitchen, meaning mom was up, but just more meows came. So out of bed I got.

The first cat attack at 7am! )

Dream Two: May I take your order? )
The cat strikes back! )
Dream 3: Don't graple with ZZ )
The cat hires some help - the dog! )
Dream 4: Yes, I do speak plant and dog! )
...hi cat )

Also a note: I spent just over two hour writing this all up. LJ - it's not funny to suddenly go back a page suddenly and then have me come back to a blank page. I almost broke a plate, but was smart enough to hit refresh and you're very lucky you had pretty much everything saved as a last draft. I almost had to kill a puppy.
zig_zag123: (Pirate Penguins!)

Dearest Autumn. STOP DYING IN MY DREAMS. I swear I don't hate you, I really don't. I'm so sorry. Last night I had a wonderful dream that I had gotten a call back from an interview I had. They wanted to see me in person for one more interview. That they were REALLY intersted in me and wanted to give me the job, but had to go through this red tape second interview first.

Short Random Dream )


---

This morning my dog had a little accident while getting off the couch. I had just finished making some breakfast so dad was oh, so kind enough to offer to clean it up for me so I could eat. Only... when I mentioned how fast the couch had dried from the cleaning dad said that - oh, no, he had just flipped the cusion around. -_-;;; NO DAD THIS IS NOT HOW YOU CLEAN THINGS. Yeah. So I ended up cleaning that up anyway.

---

I need to cut down an addiction or something. I have become addicted to playing Pikmin, World of Warcraft, tagging, and hot chocolate. So I spend most of my time piddling around and not really getting anything done. It's even affected my job search a little. I still check the two sites I pay to use - but some days I just say fuck it to the other three sites I checked daily for work. Granted I have NEVER heard back from anything I sent to the rare discovery I find on those, but you never know.

I also don't clean as much as I use to and even Egor has decided it's too cold and the snow too hard for her to walk outside that we don't go on walks anymore. She just runs out to do her business and if I try to go out with her and get her to walk around she stands in one spot and whines until we go inside. So I'm not even moving around as much. I'm going to put back on all that weight I've lost.

It also has left me feeling horribly depressed. All I do is wake up, play a pointless game for awhile, eat, then go back to sleep. I'm 24, living at home, and doing nothing with my life. The exact thing I said I didn't want to do as a child. Go me. As much as my dad tries to cheer me up with the fact that he didn't move out of his parents house until he was thirty and that was because he was getting married and just moved next door to a tralier his parents didn't use - DOESN'T HELP. Love you dad, but besides the kindness you show others, I don't want to be anything like you.

I need to pick up some kind of good habit. Something that makes me feel good about myself at the end of the day. I've thought about volenteering some how, but ugh - winter. Do NOT want to go outside. Let alone drive thirty minutes to the city. The only other places I can think to volenteer at near by would be my old high school - which I don't want any reminder of - or the church with that money grubbing Priest I don't really like.

I probably just really need to get out of this house.

---

Answers to the lyric guessing from the other day

The Songs )
zig_zag123: (Angry)
Okay, you've know you've been playing too much LJRP when you DREAM in tags. I.... wish I was joking. Not last night I dreamed I was some dude in a murder plot where I was trying to kill some guy so he wouldn't kill my father the king who was some sort of ruler over a group of people so I attempted to make it look like an accident, but my simple younger brother who couldn't act was giving me away. I was suppose to be kneeling over my sick and dying father praying for his recovery as some sort of aliby and say he had appointed me leader during his last moment of clarity but as I sat there pretending to pray I saw what was going on with my brother in LJRP style tags.

He had an icon of shock and next to that was text (with a voice over of him talking XD) next to it. He said that the guy we had killed had died!
Another guy who had actually sent the assasin had a shocked/angry icon and then said how could that be?
Brother had a look of all and said that I had saved him. That there was a demon four legged creature had take over the guy's soul.
Bad dude and a couple other people had: -_-;;; You're stupid icons.
Brother had a: NO REALLY icon and tried to explain how I had killed the guy to save his life.

I uh... sat in the room and even had an icon of me face palming realizing this wasn't going to work.

I didn't get too much farther into the dream as the dog suddenly started whinning at 7am to be let outside. Considering I had gone to bed at 3:30am - this didn't please me much. More so that she didn't even go outside in the end.

And yesterday. UGheahgiahefe YESTERDAY. What an annoying day. Got out fairly early to pick up the dog's perscription as in the end when I told the vet I had seen the worm they decided I didn't have to bring her in. It cost just over 9 dollars FOR ONE PILL. Well over the phone I had mis-heard them and thought it might have been 40 so really... 8D I'm happy to pay 9 for one and not 40. Then I went to PetCo to pick up some more joint medicine for her. I was shocked to find a bottle of Cosquine for 38 dollars. Wow.... that stuff usually sells for at LEAST 80-90 dollars and I've heard nothing but amazing things about it. Only when I went to check out it rang up at 70 dollars. Um... no. Excuse me. Can't afford that. So I mentioned this to the chasier that it was labled wrong. She went back to look and saw - it was labled wrong. She got a manager to sell it to me at the price it had been labled as. 8D YAY!

Then I went to Wal*Mart. What a stupid move. Going to Wal*Mart at the beginning of a month more so when it's right before Christmas. It was stupidly busy and I couldn't get down hardly any isles. There was a bart purposly running around slamming his cart into people. Screaming childern running amock - which to be honest don't usually bother me that much. They're kids. I remember being so bored when my mom had to take me places. So when they're looking over the boxes or crying a little I don't mind. It's when they're TOTALLY RUNNING AMOCK with no attempt at control from their parents at all that does make me twitch a bit. Then there was a group of like... six or seven kids who were actually VERY WELL BEHAVED. Standing quietly next to their parents. The problem? The parents. The mom was in an electric cart and her husband was standing with a full cart of food by her side - AND NEITHER WOULD MOVE. THey just took up the whole isle AND I KEPT RUNNING INTO THEM.

Yeah - by the end. I was ready to kill someone. At least I got a deal on my dog medicine?
zig_zag123: (Egor!)

No dad, no. I have NO clue why I'd be grumpy and snappish in the morning when the first thing you do when you come out of your room is not to say good morning, or hi, or give me a hug or anthing, but NO! It's to SHOOVE a piece of dog poop WITHOUT WARNING into my face and asking me if I saw worms. Or the fact that after I inspected that one for you - telling you no, you KEPT it there going: are you sure? Are you sure over and over again. OH and then you found another accident the dog had and did it AGAIN!

No. No idea why I would get snappishy. I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but no. Seriously. If you're not going to believe me when I say - no, I don't see worms right now but I did last night THEN PUT YOUR OWN DAMN GLASSES ON AND LOOK YOURSELF. Pick right through it if that will make you happy. Just either warn me or GET IT OUT OF MY FACE.

Granted I kinda understand his problem. I saw a worm in Egor's poop yesterday. The vets won't give us medicine to get rid of it unless we bring her in to be checked out. We said the next time we had to bring her in to the vets, because of how bad she hates going and is having problems walking around that we'd do it just to put her down.

Now... when we said that I never really expected her next visit to be because of worms. As none of the animals here have gottne worms in over SEVEN years. Worms are easy to treat so I was not expecting this. So I was left standing around trying to make a choice - do I say this is an exception and take her in for treatment or is she bad enough that I should stand by what I said and take her in to be put down? Part of me says yes - we should stick by what we said. She was suppose to be put down back in September, but we couldn't do it. She hasn't done TOO poorly, but I can see her walking is slowly getting worse and she has started to poop in the house more. Pretty much everday now (which is why I spotted the worm.)

At the same time. It's just worms. It's so close to Christmas that I don't think I could end this. The last dog we lost had kinda the same problem as Egor did. So at the end of her life we were keeping her in the basement because she couldn't make it up the stairs anymore and she just was never the same dog again. Her heart eventually gave out and mom and I are in agreement that she probably died more from depression than anything else. I'm just so thankful I was down there petting her when she went, but I remember during her last days after we had made an apointment to take her in - an apointment we never ended up keeping that I wouldn't make this mistake again. I wouldn't cling to my babies just because I didn't want to make the decision. Sally lived six months longer than she should have because we were too scared to say enough was enough. I'm never doing that again. So this is why I'm so wishy washy about either treating Egor or putting her down. When is enough, enough?

Well, I don't see that look Sally use to give us except when she falls over or is trying to get up the stairs. She can get herself back up still and eventually get up the stairs then it's nothing but smiles. I don't think it's enough just yet, but she's falling over more and more. Sometimes it's hard to stand back from the "mother" possition to see what's best for Egor and not me. When she's just laying on the floor miserble I will know, but when she's inside with us she's so happy that I can't give up just yet. Not for worms.

Which... I'm not sure dad understands. So I'm assuming that's why he keeps bringing all this poop to me in a way saying: LOOK! I SEE NO WORMS! DON'T TAKE THE DOG AWAY FROM ME! As the final decision is to be mine. Dad would never put her down. He's been trying hard to show how much he's willing to do for the dog. He even carried her inside the house last night, but I know it won't last. He can't hold her up while she goes to the bathroom all the time.

Maybe I should tell him I REALLY, REALLY have decided we won't put her down for worms. I told him that last night, but it was after I had cried for a good long time as I tried to weight the pros and cons of how well she was doing and when I do that I always think back to when she was a puppy and how bad Sally was when she finally left. It always leaves me teary eyed. So maybe he didn't believe me when he asked and I answered sobbing: No, not this time.
 


zig_zag123: (Kenshin Depressed)
The typical dog woes )

But to leave off on a slightly happier note, my kitty had a senior moment or something today. She suddenly got it in her mind that she'd jump off the bed. The bed she's been too old to jump off of for the past four years or so. Nooooooooooooooo. I put my hand in front of her to change her mind until she finally decided to go down using the step stool we have set up for her. She then walked to the area she had thought of jumping down too and stuck her head under the bed. Sat there for awhile and then finally went completely under. I had a breif moment of panic where I thought she might be going under there to die.

I had no reason to worry as she just meowed unhappily under there and came crawling out. She sat there for a moment before using the stool to get back up on the bed and go back to sleep. Wtf cat? No really, what was up with that?
zig_zag123: (Sonic)

Today was both long and short. Short because I've kept so busy, but long for how emotionally trying it was. It was the very last day I'll work at probably one of the best jobs I'll ever have. As much as I complain about it now and then - it's all mostly the idea of being forced to go somewhere when I could be doing other things. You know... work. I'll complain about not wanting to go to any job I'll ever had.

Oh, and the poop. I won't miss cleaning up the poop.

But funny thing about the bathrooms. For the past week we keep finding the same praying mantis on our bathroom walls and in the pipechase. (Little room between the bathrooms that we hold our bathroom supplies and where you turn the water on and off.) We tried to get it to fight us for a bit then move it to a bush - and yet every morning he'd be back on the bathroom walls or in the pipechase. I named it Deryl. XD He's very good at climbing on brooms. I'm going to miss Deryl.

Today was a lot different from last Labor Day. For starters I actually had help. Cory was there this year to give me a hand. We started the day taking care of all the end of season paperwork and then did a bunch of firepits. Finally got the last of the few straggelers out of the park by 1pm when we cleaned the bathrooms for the last time and locked them off. Must admit, it felt good to lock the bathroom knowing no one would be able to walk in seconds after I just finished. Yet... sad at the same time as it's like the final thing to do before shutting up the campground.

Took down all the signs we could. Brought in the bouy that was nice enough to break it's chain and float in to our shore. Put the cover on the outside sink and got ready to leave. The last thing we did was put our keys in the safe and lock ourselves out of the toll booth. I admit, I love that park. I nearly cried as I pulled out for the last time.

Got home and started to pack for camping, taking a break to take Egor on one of the shortest walks we've ever done. She's the worst she's ever been. I ended up bent over crying on her again. We're so close to camping and it's going to break my heart if she doesn't enjoy this because it's becoming clearer and clearer it's time to say goodbye. Dad caught me crying and I really hated it because I knew I couldn't handle a: It will be alright lie right then, but no, he did about the only thing I could handle. He came down and hugged me and just let me cry for a little bit saying he knew. It hurts, but it's just time, she's old. Which I appericated so much more than the lies we keep telling ourselves that it will be okay.

We eventually got her in, but you can tell it hurts her so. I really hope she enjoys this last trip, although I'm a little worried - I went to check to be sure that her rabies information is where I left it last - it was, but turns out it expired in April. Crap, we need that for camping. Hopefully I know a loop hole. If I bring in her tag in where it doesn't have an experation date on it and hopefully they won't question it - as honestly, we'll probably be putting her down in a week or two, she doesn't need the shoot now in her life.

I just want to camp and pretend I don't have this to come back home to.
 


zig_zag123: (Default)
So the time has come. The end of summer where I become horribly depressed.

The warm weather is quickly leaving. Casey left for school yesterday, Autumn left today. So now I'm alone in this town again.

Read more... )

TL;DR: I'm depressed. I'll get over it. I know I will. I'm complaining about the same stuff I have been for the past couple weeks. Ranting here just makes me feel better, a little. Sorry if I haven't been around to checking my friend's page. I know a lot of you are struggling too and I just can't handle that on top of it all. So, *hugs to those that need it* I'm sorry I haven't been giving them out as needed.
zig_zag123: (Angry)
...when I get back from a three day long trip. When I come out the door giggling and laughing going: Oh! You're not Autumn! When you ask me how the trip was and I say great. When we then have a brief conversation about how said trip went and that I drove safely. When we then have a small talk over what we want to do for supper the next thing out of your mouth should NOT be.

"Oh, by the way. I think we should consider having Egor not around anymore. She was having trouble getting up the stairs again while you were gone."

Having Egor not around anymore is also a retared way to say: Put to sleep. Put out of her misery. Put down. Killed.

Don't treat me like a fucking child when I was the one who first talked about putting her down at the beginning of the summer. When we as a family decided with the warm weather coming she should do better, so for the summer we'd put her on some pain meds then let her go at the end of the fall. Or - if she didn't get better sooner.

Yes, it's important you tell me she was having trouble. I need to know this so I can make an informed decision of when to let her go. But my god... did it have to be the only about an hour after I came home?

For someone who is usually overly senseitive to other's feelings... learn some god-damn tact.
zig_zag123: (Kenshin Depressed)
Egor is back from the vets. It didn't go as bad as it could have, but it didn't go very well. Even had her tested for lyme desise because we're in a high area for it. (Living in the town of Lyme after all. Went to Lyme Central - ahahahahaha.) The vet was shocked she didn't have it as she has never been vacinated for it or tested before and has several ticks in the past.

No really - how the heck do we get so luck sometimes wtih our pets?

Read more... )
zig_zag123: (Egor!)
I hope tomorrow’s vet visit goes well. Poor Egor’s problem has gotten worse at a shockingly quick pace. At first she was just tiring faster and falling down now and then. In just a matter of days it seems like now she can hardly stand. Or maybe it hasn’t happened that fast and I’ve just been in denial. Either way it hurts to watch her want to stand up and greet me when I come home from work and just not able to get her hind legs up.

The other day I tried to take her for a short walk and we couldn’t even get across the back yard. Poor baby still wanted to go and seemed like she was going to try to drag her back legs in order to walk.

I’m also becoming more worried it’s a neurological problem rather than a stiff/achy joint problem. If it’s nerves there is little we can do. For pain there’s at least pain relievers. But I guess that all depends on the vet visit tomorrow. Dad is really hopeful this cortisone shot will work for her - keeps saying how well it worked for Sally, but I’m not so sure. Sally was really, really bad before she passed away. I’m thinking if the vet says it’s neurological I may just have Egor put down tomorrow. It will hurt, but it might hurt less than to watch for months as she gets worse and starts to not be able to stand to even go to the bathroom. I really, REALLY hope it doesn’t come to that as in a matter of days it will be the one year mark of when we lost both Sally and Mooshy last year. Our other dog and ferret. I don’t want anymore deaths associated with this month.

And if it’s not neurological then we’ll see what kind of medicine might help. If it helps. It really all depends on how well it helps, if it’s slight I’ll go with it for now, but I’ll have to think really hard come fall. If it’s only helping a little I may say enough then. I’m not sure if Egor will last another winter.

It’s funny just a few short months ago I never would have guessed the cat would have outlived Egor. I thought she was dead for sure a year and a half ago, but now it’s looking like she might outlive all the animals. Huh, funny how life works out. I've talked to mom a little bit about these ideas of what I'll do depending on what the vet says. She thinks it sounds fair to Egot - but I haven't talked to dad yet. I have no idea how he'll take it when she goes. She is his buddy. I can't even put into words how much he loves her. When she goes I know he'll take it the worst. More so because he's retired and doesn't do anything. So he'll be alone in the house all day without her while everyone else is off at work.

Well... the cat with two lives left will be home, but she doesn't do anything but sleep quietly in my room. She doesn't follow dad around and love him like Egor does. I'm really, really hoping for good news tomorow. And if not then at least the streagth and clear mind to do what's best for Egor.

Pet Watch

Apr. 2nd, 2010 07:47 pm
zig_zag123: (Egor!)
This is here mostly for me so I can keep track to see if a pattern emerges.

Egor was sick today about twenty minutes after a small thirty minute walk.
zig_zag123: (I Hate You Guys)
Last night I actually went to bed at a decent time. I haven't been in bed ready for sleep at 11:30 in forever. I was dreaming happily until just before 6am when I was awaken by the cat throwing up.

There's a reason I keep newspapers near my bed. Grabbed one and managed to catch it on that before she threw up. Got up to throw that away which woke up the dog. She jumped up and down all excited going: I HAVE TO PEE! LET ME OUTSIDE!

Which lead to me finding out the door was frozen soild. I couldn't open on it. Tried banging on it but no look. Finally had to get the hair drier and spent a good 20mins defrosting the door. Meanwhile the dog is on the other side of the room terrified by the noise but still jumping up and down to let me know she still needed to go out.

Finally got the door open just for her to not want to come close due to the loud noise that had been there not too long ago. Finally kicked her out and fed the cat; but then couldn't get the dog to come back in. Finally got her to come in with some treats and thought I could finally go back to bed. Only for the cat to decide it was time to be petted. So she plopped herself down on my face.

*sighs* I'm not allowed to have a good night sleep am I?
zig_zag123: (Kenshin Depressed)
I'm not sure what's wrong with my dog this morning. I woke up and I can hardly remember a time when she seemed more depressed. Normally when I wake up she comes running happy to see movement and asking to go to the bathroom.

Today. She didn't move. Didn't even lift her head. Just looked up at me with really sad looking eyes. I can't even get her leg to kick when I scratch her tummy. She just sighs.

It also makes me think she pooped in the house but I've looked all over and found nothing.

I wish I knew why she's so sad. She was acting normal all day yesterday.

So I'm sitting in the living room with her instead of my bedroom with the cat who's upset and keeps coming out to find me - to find me with the dog. So upset she's thrown up.

I can't win today.

Edit: Puppy seems to be back to normal again. Not sure what her funk was earlier today. Bad dream maybe? Also found out someone got up early to let her out so that's why (thankfully) she didn't poop in the house and wasn't intersted when I offered.

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