zig_zag123: (Out of the Way)
Today isn't such a good day. Started off bad last night. I've been sleeping more than I think is healthy, and it's been making me a little nervous. So last night I decided I'd try going to bed early and forcing myself up early. That was the plan until my back pain came back with a vengeance last night. I have a small curve in my spine and while normally the pain is annoying, but manageable, last night and this morning it was not. I was up every thirty to forty minutes to toss and turn for awhile before trying to fall back to sleep.

It didn't really help that I kept having dreams last night. Some where good, while others left me feeling confused and unsettled. Like people asking me questions I couldn't understand. Not knowing if I was awake or asleep. Not knowing where I was. I had one that woke me up in terror, utterly sure I was falling out of bed. That one left me clutching at my bed for awhile, trying to convince my over active brain that I was NOT falling out of bed.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. So when I woke up at 9am - the latest I wanted to sleep to, I said fuck it and rolled back over.

When I finally did get myself out of bed and checked my emails I saw that a job I applied to yesterday left an email asking me to call. So call I did and was finding myself in a phone interview. At first I felt like I was doing pretty good, then it all went south. He asked me to rate how well i know FCP on a scale of 1-10. I've been told that I belittle myself too much. So I was thinking a 5.5 but said 7. Then he started to ask me about the integral workings of FCP and I totally boomed that. Then he started to ask me about my low GPA. Then of course I sound like I'm getting defensive when I say it had nothing to do with my communication courses, that I just didn't do well in science. I had to take those courses. He said he had more people to talk to and he'd get back to me.

It's what I wanted. I wanted a job, but now I'm sitting here wishing I don't get this job. Granted, it's just an internship. It's not a REAL job, not what I really wanted, but it would make me feel less useless around here. Yet here I am, scared to death to get what I've been trying for. It leaves me wondering if I can really do this. Or maybe I've just wasted my life trying to do something I can never succeeded in when I'm just so... mediocre.
zig_zag123: (Yay!)
Today was a fairly good day. To start with I had a GREAT mail day. Not only did I get the two free items I got off ebay with the leftover ebay bucks I had from buying the computer in the mail, but I also got my voucher from greyhound in from when I changed out my tickets. AND I got a secret piece of mail of FREE MONEY! How is this you may ask? Well, some time ago my bank sent out a letter saying if you made three charges on your charge card in Nov they'd send you 25 dollars on a visa card. I did this, but never saw the money. Anyone I asked at my banks had never heard of this promotion. I had the number to the head office, but haven't gotten around to calling it just yet. I didn't think the money would ever come, BUT IT'S HERE! Muw ha ha! 8D YAY!

And the two items I bought? One is a keyboard cover for my computer. I spent good money on this work computer and I'm going to protect it! So this will help the keys from getting sticky. 8D And it was only 5 cents! The second was the complete collection of Sonic the Hedgehog on DVD!!! 8D I can't wait to start watching it!

I also had my doctor's appointment today to talk about starting me on some anti-depressants. I'm not sure my peptalks to myself are just enough anymore. I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea of chemicals in my body changing me in anyway, but if it will help make my life better I'll give it a shot. My doctor was very nice and I think I'll like going to her. She was very understanding of my needs going back and forth from NYC. She also eased me into some of the sensitive questions she had to ask me. XD She also apologized that she had to put down that I was obese on my paperwork. Even though I kept telling her it was alright, I've always known I'm obese and that I wasn't insulted.

So yes, I now have anti-depressants. I've taken the first does so we'll see how this goes. I know this isn't an overnight fix, so I'll give it a month or so.

After the visit mom and I went to the grocery to pick up my meds and a COUPLE groceries, that turned into a HUGE cart full! I don't know why, but I had a lot of fun this time shopping with her. Maybe it was because I was feeling better that the appointment was behind me. We just kept cracking jokes and were just happy.

The one bad, horrible, and unspeakable bad part of the day.... I HAVE TO GO BACK IN FOR BLOOD WORK! Of course they went to check out my thyroid and cholesterol, but.... ugh. If there's one thing I'm bad at when it comes to doctors is blood work and IV taking. It freaks me out UNBELIEVABLY bad. So really not looking forward to Monday. Dreading it in fact. Hm, good thing I have happy pills?
zig_zag123: (Kenshin Depressed)
Ever get the feeling (If you're a girl that is) that this is going to be a really rough period?

Holy mood swings. )
zig_zag123: (Default)
So the time has come. The end of summer where I become horribly depressed.

The warm weather is quickly leaving. Casey left for school yesterday, Autumn left today. So now I'm alone in this town again.

Read more... )

TL;DR: I'm depressed. I'll get over it. I know I will. I'm complaining about the same stuff I have been for the past couple weeks. Ranting here just makes me feel better, a little. Sorry if I haven't been around to checking my friend's page. I know a lot of you are struggling too and I just can't handle that on top of it all. So, *hugs to those that need it* I'm sorry I haven't been giving them out as needed.
zig_zag123: (Kenshin Depressed)
Egor is back from the vets. It didn't go as bad as it could have, but it didn't go very well. Even had her tested for lyme desise because we're in a high area for it. (Living in the town of Lyme after all. Went to Lyme Central - ahahahahaha.) The vet was shocked she didn't have it as she has never been vacinated for it or tested before and has several ticks in the past.

No really - how the heck do we get so luck sometimes wtih our pets?

Read more... )
zig_zag123: (Kenshin Depressed)
I'm not sure what's wrong with my dog this morning. I woke up and I can hardly remember a time when she seemed more depressed. Normally when I wake up she comes running happy to see movement and asking to go to the bathroom.

Today. She didn't move. Didn't even lift her head. Just looked up at me with really sad looking eyes. I can't even get her leg to kick when I scratch her tummy. She just sighs.

It also makes me think she pooped in the house but I've looked all over and found nothing.

I wish I knew why she's so sad. She was acting normal all day yesterday.

So I'm sitting in the living room with her instead of my bedroom with the cat who's upset and keeps coming out to find me - to find me with the dog. So upset she's thrown up.

I can't win today.

Edit: Puppy seems to be back to normal again. Not sure what her funk was earlier today. Bad dream maybe? Also found out someone got up early to let her out so that's why (thankfully) she didn't poop in the house and wasn't intersted when I offered.

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