zig_zag123: (Kitty)

Yup. Subject and icon say it all really. Mom called me to let me know that this afternoon Buttons passed away. They SAY it was in her sleep, but part of me does wonder how true that is. As the found her in their bedroom and she never went in there to sleep. Of course mom also mentioned how earlier in the day she had been acting strange by trying to hop into her computer bag. So maybe she did just slip away in their bedroom while looking for a good place to die as they say animals do.

Although I'm crying as I write this I really am kinda glad she went like this. I really hate taking animals up to the vet to be put to sleep. I've actually spent many night praying that she'd go at home and in her sleep. Even if it meant waking up next to her dead body in the morning. Not to mention we were planning on putting her down soon. Dad said she only had another week or two worth of medicine left. And mom did admit she actually just bought her new food yesterday. They didn't really want to be the ones to make the final decision either.

Mom told me that they took her favorite fluffy blanket and laid her on it in a hole in the backyard. Mom told me they burried it deep enough that the animals shouldn't be at her, but they also covered it with a couple stones to be safe.

She was a good ol' strong kitty. And she marks an end of an era really. She was the last of our childhood pets to pass away. It's funny how they went in twos. We lost our dog Sally and ferret Mooshy just weeks apart from each other a couple years ago, and now it was Egor's and Button's turn.

It's really hard to think of it right now. She's been a constant factor in my life these past 21 years. It's just so strange to think of her as being gone. She was my surviver. Being hit by a cars twice, being attacked by dogs multiple times, beginning stages of kidney failure, a kitty stroke - possibly two, but one for sure, and a whole host of things I'm sure she got into and I just never knew about. She was a tough old girl and there will never be another like her again. My only regret is I never did get a good recording of her adorable purr-snore she did. That's one of many things I'm going to miss about her.

zig_zag123: (Egor!)
So, Casey made it here safe and we had a lot of fun our first day, but my dog Egor back home slipped and fell. She's stopped eating and won't move. She's still drinking a little, but mom's made an appointment to let her go.

Part of me aches to go running back to be with Egor one last time, but... I don't want to see her like that. It's selfish we know, but Casey and I have been looking forward to her visit here and we think it will be harder on our parents for us to go home right now just to be miserble over the loss of Egor and then leave for our homes far away.

Mom agrees. It's hard to face this alone she says, but having to say goodbye again to us would be hard on top of it all. So, we're staying here. I realized when I left home the last time that there was a good, good chance I would never see my babies again and all it is, is that I was right.

Her apointment is tomorrow. Casey and I aren't sure what we're going to do then, as we feel rotten trying to have fun knowing what's going on at home then, but at the same time sitting around being miserble isn't going to help either.

But for now we had plans to go to the zoo today. That's what we're going to do. I just felt the need to say something before running out to have fun that I am taking this to heart and it hurts, but... what can I do?
zig_zag123: (Shallow Bay)
Put under a cut for those who don't like to talk about death.

Read more... )

Paul

Apr. 6th, 2010 01:22 pm
zig_zag123: (Kenshin Depressed)
I just found out an old friend of the family passed away. His name was Paul and we met him when mom got into antiques and he was the one who taught her a lot of what she knows. He would also call us now and then saying: I got goodies for ya! Which meant he had some bread for us - as he'd buy a bucket day old bread to feed birds for a buck and he'd let us pick some of it out.

He went into the hospital a couple days ago due to a reaction to some medicines he was taking. He was doing better and it seemed like he would be coming home in a couple days. It's strange to be told he's passed away. I feel really numb right now because part of me can't picture him as being gone, but knowing he is. I feel really horrible for Helen his wife and for his kids. I can't imagine how she's feeling right now.

I keep thinking about how he was starting to renavate his store and was putting in all new floors. I wonder if his kids will finish the project with him gone now or what will happen to his shops.

I wonder if I'll ever see his antique van out and about when I go to yard sales anymore with mom. His wife would go with him and was into it, but I wonder if Helen will still have the same passion for it with him gone. As he was the one who was more into it.

He's been sick off and on lately so I suppose it's for the best. I hope I can get time off from work if they decide to have a service for him. I feel so odd right now.
zig_zag123: (Home)
As you can probably imagin the last couple days I've been doing a lot of thinking. Not just about the two that have left us - but the two that are still here as well. I'm doing alright. I can start to think about Mooshy and Sally now without automatically crying sometimes. It's still weird to see my sister around the house without a ferret on her shoulder and I've been avoiding going into the cellar alone because I'm not yet ready to face it empty. I went down there with dad to get our fishing gear; but not yet ready to go by myself.

So it was while I was going out the side door instead of the basement to collect the wash off the line with Egor following behind me I wondered how old Sally had been. I was guessing somewhere between 13-14 because I knew Egor wasn't older than 15 and Egor is a year older than Sally was.

So after I got back into the house I pulled out their old paper work. Of course the two right on top was Sally's and Mooshy's paper work. Turns out Sally's birthdate was in Jan 97. So she was about thirteen and a half. Which made Egor fourteen. Since I was snooping about I pulled out Button's paper work because I knew her 19th birthday was coming up. Just couldn't remember if it was Aug or Sept.

Heh. Surprise on me. She was born in May. After looking at that I was surprised I had forgotten. I remembered making jokes about how I was born on May first so my cat and I could share the same birthday month years ago. I can't believe I had forgotten. Not only that but my cat did it. She made it to her 19th birthday - plus some. It's hard to believe how things turned out. If you had asked me at Chirstmas time how things would have gone I would have thought: Well, the cat won't make it to her 19th birthday. Sally will probably last another couple years. The ferret probably has at least another sleepy old age year left. And Egor will probably be the last to go.

I would have never guessed that it would be Mooshy with Sally following so closely behind. Casey and I have a little joke going that the cat is behind it all. That she's slowly trying to reclaim the house as hers. She's just acting sick so we don't suspect her. Probably not the funniest joke, but it helps us cope. We've always been an odd family.

So I'm doing alright. It's not ever going to be 100% better again. I'll probably always look down to see if the ferret is trying to escape when I enter Casey's room. It will be a long while before I stop thinking about if anyone has feed the dogS yet. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay that I had them in my lives for so long and that they were here to love me as much as I loved them. And I'm okay to move on. I'm okay to still go out and have fun. I'm okay to love the dog and cat that are still here. I'm okay. And I'm so okay... I think I'll go play some FF7.

Thanks all

Jun. 15th, 2009 06:08 am
zig_zag123: (Default)
I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words. I really do appericate it and it was just too hard to respond to everyone. I'm doing all right as I knew Sally was getting sick and I know now that she's free of her sick and injuried body now and she's running around somewhere like she use to. I'll always miss her, but I'm just so glad she's out of pain, she wasn't alone, and she wasn't at the vets.
zig_zag123: (Default)
Well the decision was taken out of our hands. When I came home from work I fed the cat then went downstairs to visit with Sally. I'm glad I didn't linger as long with the cat as I usally do as I didn't realize I was about to spend my last few minutes with Sally.

When I went downstairs Dad was just coming inside having just finished mowing the lawn. He said she had come out for a minute and then came back inside and he didn't know where she was. We looked for her and I found her laying next to the furance. She wasn't breathing quiet right and Dad asked us what Mom, Casey, and I had decided last night and I was explaining to him that we had decided to take her up Wenesday when we all had the day off to have her put down.

He went up to start dinner and I moved around the furance to get to where she was easier and sat down to pet her. I think she actually left as I was telling dad I would be up when dinner was done and I settled down beside her or she went shortly after I begain petting her. But after a bit I started to suspect she was gone.

I called her name a few times but got no response I tried to not get too worried yet as she's been depressed and doesn't always respond to all things. So I continued to pet her - slowly trying to feel for her chest moving which I wasn't sure if I was feeling or not. I didn't think I was but I didn't want to believe that. I kept telling myself I was just freaking myself out. I petted her a bit more than let my hand snake down to her tail and foot which always gets at least a: Why are you petting me there? look and then she usally moves her foot/tail away and then makes a goofy whine if you keep at it. She didn't respond. So then I shook her and called her name. Then I knew for sure.

I moved to the front of the furance again and saw her jaw was slack and her eyes were open but they weren't seeing anything. So I went up to let dad know. We agreed we were glad she went with me down there with her and not alone and even more that we didn't have to take her to the vets to do so. She hates the vets.

We've decided to wait a few hours before we call Casey after talking to mom and letting her know. Let her at least get out of work first. Dad and I got her out and dragged her closer to the door leading outside for when they take her to be cremated tomorrow. She's too big to burry. We found the cleanest blanket we could find and wrapped her in it and took her collar off.

I've never been so close to something dying before. It... kinda creeps me out, but I'm so very glad I was with her and not at the vets.
zig_zag123: (Default)
This has been a horrible summer for pets. Mooshy's passing. Button's stroke. And now we've set a date to take Sally in to be put down unless the vets pull out a merical cure. We're expecting the same result that happened when we took Mooshy in the last time.

I wish my pets weren't so old, sick, and injured.

Sally's been utterly depressed and nothing we do have helped. We visit with her and she'll even move away now and then. Sometimes she perks up. But she's just not Sally anymore. I use to think that even if you beat Sally she'd love you and be happy moments later - but now, now she never ever looks fully happy.

The depression she's suffering isn't our only reason for deciding this; but it is the biggest. She also got hit by a car some time back and hasn't ever fully recovered. She's falling down a lot more now and because of the depression it takes her longer and longer to get up. If at all.

Like today I planned on sitting down there with here again for an hour or so and reading a book while petting her. As I was going down dad handed me her bowl for dinner and I took it down. When I showed her the dinner she gave it one lick then turned her head away. I tried to encorage her to eat because she hasn't eaten well the last few days. She moved off and got a drink of water then laid down in a new spot. So I moved her dishe back to her and tried again to get her to eat.

Instead she got up and went outside. I followed her out and that's when I saw she was drooling. A lot. More than I've ever seen either of our dogs drool. And it was thick I think because it was a long line that was dripping down her mouth. Then she dry heaved before heading under a pine tree and collapsing there. I tried to coax her out and get her out of the rain but she wouldn't even look at me. That hurt. Dad eventually got her in a bit later by tempting her with a hotdog.

So she's obviously not feeling well and painfully not happy. And it just so happened that we all have Wenesday off so... yeah.

Dad and I had plans on going fishing Tuesday at the park I work at. Maybe I can talk him into taking Sally - if we can get her into the car. A one last hooray so to speak for her. I had always hoped our animals would just go in their sleep. It's hard to have to make the choice to end a life.

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